Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Lesson #8: The Neighborhood of Make-Believe

Thats right CHUMPS, the Neighborhood of Mothereffin' Make Believe. Talk about a blast from your past. And when I say blast, I mean it in the literal "heavy firearms and anti-aircraft munitions" sort of way. Becuase today students, we are going to talk about one of the most awesome places never to exist in this dimension.

For those of you who don't know what the Neighborhood of Make Believe (N.O.M.B.) is, let me enlighten you. The N.O.M.B. is an extradimensional space, accessibly only through a portal through Mr. Rodger's house. Through this portal, the only means of transportation is a magical trolly, that we will come back to later. This other dimension is filled with fantastic and beatass creatures and personalities, one of which, featured above is so totally fucking awesome that he got the second best day of the week named after him: King Friday.

In this alternate plane of existence, time does not age you, it only makes you look like a slightly more raggetty puppet. Also, it makes you pee orange and shoot lazers out of your eyes. And there is a factory, and a merry-go-round, a huge fucking castle, a creepy old lady, and a talking owl. Thats right, as if owls didn't own enough face when they stood around all the time not talking. This one talks, and he's smarter than you. He's probably the smartest being ever to exist ever. He's almost as smart as Mark Wahlberg is awesome.

In fact, there is so much awesome stuff here, I am pretty sure I don't have time to cover it, so lets talk about the basics:

1) Trolley. Trolley is an interdimensional transportation vessel, kind of like the USS Enterprise, or my sweet ass Chevy Malibu. And you have to ride Trolly to get to the N.O.M.B.. Trolly is equipped with a warp drive, a kool-aid powered antimater warp core, and a sweet ass nuclear missle launcher (seen above). Trolly has been known to shoot stuff whenever he wants. And he only lets cool people ride him. If you aren't sure, you'd better not try.

2) King Friday. Thats right, Friday. Only one day better than that: Saturday, named after Satur, which is Wahlberg in Latin, or "Bangarang" in pirate. Anyway, King Friday is the supreme leader of the millitant order of N.O.M.B.. He is also the commander and chief of their considerable military might. He leads armies into battle like a master puppetier. All the while blasting newbs and asshats with his awesome machine gun (seen above). His bullets are made of crystal meth that he makes in the castle. But he doesn't do Meth, because drugs are bad.

3) Daniel Striped Tiger. Holy shit, its a tiger. A fucking extradimensional Tiger. In the off chance that you aren't murdered by nuclear holocaust or crystal meth bullets, you're about to have your throat ripped out by this ferocious beast. Its a talking, humanoid tiger creature akin to the Kilrathi from "Wing Commander". Dig it. And he drinks blood. I saw it once. He also lives in his clock palace, probably because he is the master of time and space. Probably.

Well I could go on forever. But I won't. Mainly because I am tired as hell from being on call.

Doc Awesome


  1. Ummm Lady Elaine Fairchild. Broad has an Alkie's nose and says "Boomerang Toomerang Soomerang" which is even more awesome than your beloved Bangarang.

  2. Yeah, I probably should have included her. In all of her alkie glory. Really, she is trying to say "Bangarang" but just screws it up because she is so crunk.

  3. Your posts are awesome Herr Doctor, finding this blog really made my day.

    Oh and don't think nobody noticed the manticore turret on that trolley ;)