Saturday, August 15, 2009

Lesson #11: Captain James T. Kirk

No Space Unit would be complete without a shout out to the best captain ever to have sex with tons of space babes, that captain is of course: James Tiberius Kirk, captain of the USS Enterprise.

Captain Kirk is pretty much an ultimate badass. He has flown all the way across the known galaxy, he has battled the Kingons near Uranus. He even saved a bunch of whales. But don't think that this makes him a hippie. Oh no, because he's no hippie. He's just totally awesome.

Lets take a look at the ways in which Captain Kirk is awesome, and how you should attempt to be like him:

1) Hot Space Babes: Captain Kirk mac'ed on them all the flippin' time. Some were blue, some were green, some had oddly shaped head, and some of them probably had bizarre genitalia. Hell, a few of them might not have even been "females" in the classical sense of the term. But they were all hot like lava. BONER.

2) Bones McCoy: You know you're a fucking hero when your best friend is a doctor named "Bones". Holy Crap. Bones is Kirk's side kick on all of the coolest missions, and he is a space doctor. Now listen, I am friggin' sweet and max awesome and I am just a regular doctor. This guy is a fucking SPACE DOCTOR, and he's just a side kick to Kirk! WTF!?

3) Death Rays: Kirk shoots them all the time. Only they called them phasers. Whatever, I know a death ray when I see one.

4) Spock Sucks: And Kirk told him all the time about it. Logic? Please. The powers of Logic pale before the powers of Awesome, and Captain Kirk proved this by being right all the time, and saving Spock's green blooded ass all the time. Suck it planet Vulcan.

5) Starfleet: Lets see you graduate from it. Oh thats right, you can't.

6) Face

7) He's portrayed on the screen by William Shatner, who I have it on good authority drives a limo around with the license plate "THE SHAT" on it. Bangarang.

I don't know, I could keep going but lets be honest, you don't deserve it. You have to earn awesomeness like that, and you guys are only on Lesson #11. Get real!

And on that awesome note, we are going to close out the space unit. Thanks for playing.


Doc Awesome


  1. Jean Luc Picard is about a million times more awesome.

    All I can say is hit up the 7:30 mark. Boner. That shit has been bangarang since I was 11.