Thursday, July 9, 2009

Lesson #5: Grimlock

Thats right chumps. Grimlock. He no Bozo, he King. Get used to it. Because Grimlock is without a doubt, totally awesome. And when I say totally awesome, I also mean totally badass.

For those of you who suck, lets start from the beginning so you can be sure that you don't miss an awesome beat in this lesson. Grimlock is the king of the Dinobots, a subset of the Autobot Transformers, the epic heroes of a sweet ass 80's cartoon that owned my face all the time.
Grimlock was created by Wheeljack, a totally sweet Indy Race Car robot man who realized that the Autobots didn't have a cookies chance in my mouth of surviving their fight with the evil and kickass Decepticons. Wheeljack in his infinite wisdom realized that he was going to need some big guns. So enter Grimlock and the Dinobots. Because when it comes to robot domination transforming into cars and stuff just doesn't hack it. They needed GIANT METAL DINOSAURS.

Well Grimlock does his job, something that no other Autobot could do. He and his goons, guys named Slag and Sludge (boner), whooped all of the Decepticons at once. Then, when they got back and Optimus Prime tried to tell him what to do, so Grimlock put Prime in his place and beat all the Autobot's asses too. Suck it forces of good. The forces of Awesome prevail once again.
Grimlock, armed with a lazer sword, fire breath, and a strength to rival the Kool-Aid man is totally unstoppable. He stomps people's faces all the time, and breathes fire.

And the best part, he doesn't give a shit what you think about anything. Because him Grimlock, strongest leader. And really, who can argue with that? I'll tell you who, nobody but Mark Whalberg. Grimlock talks like a hero, drinks like a hero, and stomps face like a hero. And if you don't like it, you can get bent.

And really, thats what being awesome is all about. Stomping everything all the time, and not caring what anyone thinks about it. Boom.

So next time you are thinking "I don't know if I should do this, people might think I'm weird..." you should just think, "How would Grimlock handle this?". The answer is probably to yell a lot, and say something like "Me _________ (insert name) no Bozo! Me awesome!".

Doc Awesome


  1. In an epic battle, who would prevail, G-lock or K-aid man? Describe the battle.

  2. This sort of question is inherently flawed. The powers of awesome never do battle against one another. The Kool-Aid Man and Grimlock are ancient friends from time immemorial. But, in the case that they were to fight, the Kool-Aid man would win, because his technology is even more advanced, and he listens to techno music.

  3. Grimlock would smash techno music, much like Samurai Jack, and it would be awesome - cuz anything done like SJ is awesome. But then Punchy would be like, "OH NOES!" and have to break down Dinobot Lair's whall.

    Then they would party and Swoop would replace Barak Obama as president, appoint Punchy as Czar of Party and Grimlock as Secretary of War. And Solomon Grundy would be like, "Solomon Grundy think Grimlock," and we'd all know what he meant, cuz that's how Grimlock rolls.

    Fuck yeah.